Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Another courageous conversation

Superintendent Heath Morrison has been talking up the need for courageous conversations about race.  But the recent school board retreat got me thinking about another courageous conversation many are confronted with:  The conversation with your child's teacher or principal when something goes wrong.

The board was talking about how to handle questions and complaints that should be resolved by staff.  Sometimes parents turn to elected officials as a last resort,  when they've been stymied by a complex system or denied the result they believe is right.  But sometimes they go up the chain first.

Deputy Superintendent Ann Clark,  who spent years as a principal before moving into central offices,  talked about how deflating it was to hear a complaint from a superior when she could have resolved it if the parent had talked to her directly.   "I told parents,  'Go to the person who can solve your problem,' " Clark said.

I listened with interest,  because reporters often find ourselves in a similar situation,  as the court of last resort for some frustrated parents and the first place some turn.   When I ask people why they would call me before confronting the people at school,  the answer is generally,  "I'm afraid they'll retaliate against my child."

Let's stipulate a couple of obvious things:  Good, professional educators don't take their frustrations with parents out on kids.  And in a system this big, they're not all good.

I asked Morrison afterward about the concerns with retaliation.  His take:  Administrators can't resolve a complaint without identifying the family involved.  So ask yourself which is more likely to create anger and resentment:  A direct conversation seeking solutions,  or a complaint that someone took over your head without talking to you?

To my mind,  Wendy Hawkins should be canonized as the patron saint of parents in tough situations.  I wrote about her and her family several years ago.  With both sons afflicted by a progressive, incurable and eventually fatal disease  (read more about Brandon and Jeremy Hawkins and Batten disease here and here),  she faced almost unbelievable frustrations and roadblocks trying to get them help in CMS.  Long past the stage when most of us would have turned into raging dragon ladies,  she stayed calm,  never assumed the worst about others' motivations and carefully documented her contacts.  Because of that,  she won state and court rulings in a system where parents seldom prevail.  Even the people who fought her on legal issues acknowledged she was a model of grace under pressure.

So here's my advice:  Remember the difference between venting and problem-solving.  Vent to your best friend if you need to,  preferably out of earshot of your kids  (remember that what you say at home in anger can color their attitudes about school).  Then keep it concise, calm and solution-focused when you go to the teacher or principal  --  and when you go over their heads if that proves necessary.

As the Hawkins family can attest,  email can be a great way to communicate clearly and document your  efforts and results.  But again:  Blow off steam before you sit down at the keyboard.   Once they're in writing, insults and exaggerations live on forever and hurt your cause.

Just remember:  If you start with "I'm sure we can resolve this,"  you can always escalate to  "This is an outrage!"  But if you go in with a verbal flame-thrower and find out you're wrong,  the damage is done.

60 comments:

Anonymous said...

Great advice, Ann. The demonization of teachers by politicians is not helping with this kind of thing either. When they cast teachers as " the enemy", parents get a chip on their shoulders. Teachers are not the enemy - talk to them, support them, discuss with them. Teachers do not hate your child.

Anonymous said...

I can't help but wonder why there doesn't seem to be all these problems in Private Schools? What one demographic/reason could it possibly be? Try to be honest and courageous in your answer please Ann.

Anonymous said...

I find it interesting that Ms. Clark wants parents to go to "the person who can solve the problem" in other words, the person that the parent has the problem with. This is not the same mentality that CMS HR and Employee Relations has within CMS for staff issues.

In fact it is completely opposite. In fact, ER makes it their life's work to have a place in the district by making it that you can't solve issues between you and the person you are unhappy with. The mentality is that you MUSY go complain to the supervisor. When there is a complaint against you, you are told to shut up, speak to no one and NEVER are you allowed to even suggest that the two parties that have an issue sit down and discuss it.

And in the end, no matter who is actually wrong, the person against whom the complaint was filed is the one who loses.

Anonymous said...

Dear Ann,

I came home today to find my 11 yr old crying about school.

“Nothing is fair,” she said. “I hate school.”

“Tell me about it,” I said almost crying myself.

“Today we had to read a book I finished in first grade. That’s stupid! When I get to school everyone’s in the cafeteria eating. So I’m stuck out in the hall by myself. And worst, the teacher never calls on me to answer any questions. She says she’s protecting me from seeming too different.”

“Honey, it’s Dad’s and my fault. We raised you the best we knew how,” I said.

“Maybe we shouldn’t have been such pushy parents. We didn’t mean any harm by letting you start reading early. We could have given up those trips to interesting places. And I can see that being successful at our jobs keeps you from being eligible to have a little breakfast club before classes start.”

“I’m just not sure how to handle this. What do you think?”

“Mommy, don’t call the school. Then they’ll really hate me,” my daughter cried.

“Honey, when I was young there was a newspaper column called ‘Ask Ann Landers. Ann always knew what to do. That Ann passed-away years ago but we have an Ann at the Observer that knows a lot about schools Can I email her?”

“Yes, that’s a great idea. None of the kids at school read the paper. No one will know,” my daughter said with a bit of a smile on her face.

Sincerely,
Anonymous in Charlotte


BNM

Anonymous said...

To the writer who says it doesn't happen in private schools. I beg to differ. I was a teacher and a parent at one of the big two indies. Parents act the same only they pay money to complain and teachers are the same too. There are good ones and there are bad ones. The communication line seems to be a little more open in the private schools but maybe that is something CMS can work on.

Christine Mast said...

Whenever I've had a school-level issue, I've been able to deal with it at the school-level. In fact, at a meeting last year, I was told by staff that they wished more parents would come to them and ask for help, as I did. They said it's much easier to solve problems when we come in to talk it through, instead of coming in with guns blazing and ready to blame everyone but ourselves (as parents).

Now let's switch to Central Office questions. If Dr. Morrison wants families to come to Central Office Staff to resolve issues, he's going to need to make a few changes.

Here are a few changes I think would be helpful:

1) Tell US who we should be talking to... for instance, do I have to go to Ms. Latarzja Henry -- Communications Director -- for every single question? Or can I go straight to the department that handles that issue?

Right now, some Board members insist that we go directly to Ms. Henry for EVERYTHING. If that's not correct, Dr. Morrison needs to communicate that to not only the public, but to his BOE members.

2) What is our recourse when we don't receive answers in a timely manner? Define "timely manner."

3) What is our recourse when we get absolutely no response from anyone? How long is "long enough" to wait before we "complain?"

I have no problem following the chain of command to get responses, but in a system this large and complex, sometimes you don't know WHO to ask. So if that could be communicated more effectively, everyone would be better served.

Anonymous said...

Two reasons why private schools don't appear to have all the problems we keep hearing about in public schools. 1) They are much smaller organizations with much less bureaucracy; 2) They are not continually under the press's microscope. Thus when issues come up (which of course they do) they can usually be handled quickly and appropriately without anyone grandstanding and causing a public uproar. Granted public schools are paid for by tax dollars so the public has a right to examine how they are run, but, you know, "back in the day" the management of schools was hardly ever front page news. And I suspect folks had more positive feelings about public education.

Anonymous said...

Private schools don't need 55 million funneled into one demographic in the hope that it will increase graduation rates.

Anonymous said...

Seems to me that Deputy Sup't Ann Clark must be part of the problem with her having been around for so long and CMS is still spinning it's wheels and going nowhere.

Truth Seeker said...

I have been waiting a week for a response - some of the emails get kicked back if you don't have a cms email address. Cmscommunications@cms.k12.us is one way communications only

Anonymous said...

Ann, I will have to tell you my story personally. Celeste and I had quite a number of conversations years ago when this event happened. My child was like the one in your story, afraid of retaliation, afraid of being pointed out. A note about me was in her folder. She was denied a number of advanced opportunities.

Secondly, within the first few weeks of school, we scheduled a parent teacher conference to be sure the teachers knew who we were and we were there as partners in education. Generally we found this was not needed after middle school. However I did come across a guidance counselor in HS for one of my children who had little interest with my questioning because the minorities were the majority in this school and his directive did not include handling a child of non-black skin color.

Anonymous said...

My daughter almost committed suicide over the issues at MGDavis Military Acad. being a non-minority there. She was a 4.5gpa student denied enrollment into the Honor Society there. I made multiple trips to her school to speak to the principal with no relief over her being beat up by the students there. I complained to the board.Guess who paid the price? My daughter. It was insane.

Wiley Coyote said...

Never hesitate to go up the chain of command if you are not being satisfactorally served at the root of the issue...

Teacher threatens my son in 5th grade.

I setup a meeting with the principal to discuss the issue only to have her, in front of the teacher, call me a liar.

The principal did not know I had information the teacher also threatened another student with scissors and actually cut a bit of the girl’s hair when she flinched.

After I brought that tidbit of information up, the teacher finally came clean and admitted what she had done to the girl and my son.

Funny how the principal immediately couldn't kiss my rear fast enough. My only regret was that I did not push to have the principal and teacher fired.

After trying to resolve an issue in high school with a counselor, the principal would not return my calls. I then went to the Zone Superintendent and again, calls were not returned.

I finally called Gorman's office and explained the situation. I got a call back from the Zone Superintendent almost immediately.

I had not yet met the new principal and at the open house a few days later, she came and found me. We talked, resolved the issue and that was the end of it, but I should not have had to go up the chain and back down again to do it.

Anonymous said...

Excellent advice. My kids attended CMS (6 years) and private schools (6 years). Most teachers want your child to succeed. They really do.

PRIVATE SCHOOLS:
Private schools have much more flexibility in terms of moving students in and out of classes at the beginning of the school year in an effort to find the best level or fit for students in various subject areas. In private school, my son was moved twice in an effort to find him the best level Algebra 2 class where he could be the most successful. Moving him twice wasn't a big deal and the administration and staff where most helpful in addressing his specific academic needs. Also, classes were never full or overcrowded so he was never shut out of taking something he was interested in.

CMS:
On the other hand, I had to set up a meeting with an assistant principal, the head principal, a math teacher, and hire a math tutor who was on faculty in CMS when my "gifted" son was placed in a 7th grade Algebra 1 class that was too difficult for him and where he wasn't retaining the material. My son's teacher, the principal, the assistant principal, my son and I all agreed he needed to be in the two year "average" Algebra 1 class - not the one year "gifted" Algebra 1 class. However, because of some block-headed state law, CMS could not move my son out of the more advanced class after the 20th day of school. Therefore, I had to pull my son out of school and take him to his pediatrician who wrote a letter to CMS stating she was prepared to to send my son to a child psychologist if CMS didn't move him into a less advanced class. At this point, the school principal called me and had me write a letter to the CMS regional school superintendent outlining my case since she didn't have the authority to move my son herself. She said she would move him into a lower level Algebra 1 class if she could but she didn't have the authority to do so base on some NCLB law. After the regional school superintendent reviewed the doctor's note, my letter, and spoke directly with the principal at my son's school, my "gifted" son was granted the opportunity to take "average" Algebra 1. He went on to score in the top 20% on the Math section of the ACT and is attending his first college choice.

- AD

Anonymous said...

"Teacher threatens my son in 5th grade.

I setup a meeting with the principal to discuss the issue only to have her, in front of the teacher, call me a liar."

This is very simple. Were you there to witness and hear this threat with your own ears? If not, then you truly have no case. The 'threat' is totally based on hearsay of what your daughter told you, or some other child.

Unfortunately, this happens all the time. Sadly, students lie and make up things all the time on teachers and staff, and like yourself, the parents automatically believe the lie and raise Hell with the faculty. This is unacceptable on the part of the parents, and what is usually the root cause of most of the problems.

Parents, please understand that children will lie when they have to, and sometimes even when they don't. We have to trust our teachers and staff because they are the adults and the ones on the front lines of this madness on a daily basis.

Anonymous said...

To the person earlier posting about demographics and suggesting race is the reason for most trouble:

A large amount of our problems come from white republican soccer mom types from Ballantyne that think they control everything and everyone. They have a natural born elitist attitude and they talk down to us as if we are children. They are disrespectful and full of themselves, in the ugliest way. They love threatening lawsuits against the city and county, shaking a finger in our face, and sometimes can be seen speeding off in a mad rage in a large SUV.

These tragic types are much more pathetic than any other demographic I have seen. May God have mercy on them.

Anonymous said...

Not too far off the subject...

Sometimes my children would come home from school and accuse a teacher of being "mean". With a little probing, we often discovered that a "mean" teacher was really just a "strict" teacher. Mean and strict are not the same thing. Based on research, strict teachers who run a tight ship tend to be more effective in the classroom. Now, some kids need a little more "warm and fuzzy" so teacher personality and style does matter. I often wrote letters to my children's principals before the school year started requesting certain types of teachers. My older son did better with "strict" male teachers who liked to play sports during recess and were into lots of lively class discussion. He drove the soft spoken and warm and fuzzy type females nuts. My younger son needed warm and fuzzy type teachers who doled out lots of encouragement.

Anonymous said...

Courageous? Really. Get the CMS big shots to go to a public forum and answer to those who have prima facie evidence of lies, corruption, age and wage discrimination, and stone walling.Let's see if they got any grit. It takes more than courage to believe that kid of garbage.

Anonymous said...

Wage discrimination? This sounds like the county office is corrupted as _______. If it's this bad, wouldn't Mr. Morrison have started to discover some of this?

Anonymous said...

A majority of the time the local "school level staff" handles problems alot better than downtown folks. Of course sometimes its a downtown issue and that is when it usually gets sideways. The staff at most schools are more than willing to help fix issues that they control on a direct level with parents. It usually happens much quicker and more direct than a downtown person being involved. That would just add stress as they dont know what actually happens in the school level on a regular basis. Keith W. Hurley

Anonymous said...

Apparently teachers lie too if you read the whole comment you would have seen that was the case in this instance.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 11 49 God bless these women for they care about their children. What you see as disrespect I see as concern for a childs welfare and a willingness to stand up to an arrogant unresponsive school system.

Wiley Coyote said...

11:41...

Several children told me of the issue - independently - and the parent of the girl who had her hair cut told me of that incident.

You evidently didn't read the part where the teacher admitted she had done both.

Anonymous said...

Hmmmm... courageous conversations. Maybe Heath needs to go by Mecklenburg County jail and talk to "Disrespect' led to killing of 17 year old. Interestingly that no black leader has stepped up to condemn this murder. Essentially that means this "leadership" this type of behavior.

I am interested where this effort of CC is going to go. I have started the book. It seems to be more a justification of this anti-social, anti-civilized, etc. behavior. What this author calls acting white is actually acting civilized, lawful, respectful, etc. There is no place in this society for such behavior he is insisting everyone must accept. There is no sense in this society wasting this much human and financial resources where this subculture refuses to "get with the program".

Anonymous said...

Sorry, left out the most important word, condones this type of behavior.

Anonymous said...

As one of those white republican soccer moms let me assure you that our attitude may be justified. While I agree that most of the teachers are wonderful and some of the administration is as well, there are definitely problems. My son was diagnosed with dyslexia in second grade. I challenge you to find one parent of a learning disabled child who has been happy with the system. From being told "your child just isn't as smart as you would like him to be" (really??? IQ test came back as 130) to "dyslexia isn't recognized by the state of North Carolina" only to be told a year later that it was. Or how about this year as my son is entering 5th grade when I get a phone call the day before school starts and a counselor tries to talk me into dropping my son's 504 plan because after all, " he has to start growing up sometime." I can also assure you that there is a large number of parents who get tired of the system and butting heads with administrators who think they know best and just leave. I think you get the picture...

Ann Doss Helms said...

On the private vs. public issue: I do get some calls/emails about problems with private schools. Not as many as with CMS, but there aren't as many kids in private schools, either. I think a lot of this is just human relations. But the fact that parents pay tuition (and can always choose to leave) probably does change the dynamic in private schools.

AD raises a good point, too: Public schools have regulations that are designed to prevent playing games with the test scores that might hinder a common-sense solution for an individual child.

Ann Doss Helms said...

12:58, we've had a lot of white males doing mass shootings lately. Do we expect our "white leaders" to say they don't condone gunning down strangers? Or does that go without saying?

Ann Doss Helms said...

11:53, your comment about "mean" teachers reminds me of when my son was in middle school. I realized that his calling a teacher "insane" could be a complaint or the ultimate compliment.

Anonymous said...

"Apparently teachers lie too if you read the whole comment you would have seen that was the case in this instance."

No, they don't lie like the students do. Many careers have endeed thanks to foul, malicious lies and the deceitful parents taking their side.

The whole comment was read and that doesn't change what I said. Try the truth for once, and teach your children some respect.

Anonymous said...

"God bless these women for they care about their children. What you see as disrespect I see as concern for a childs welfare and a willingness to stand up to an arrogant unresponsive school system."

Of course you do, you are one of the elitist, nose in the air Romney lovers who can't come down to the real world long enough to act like an adult should. Stay at your soccer match if you don't know how to be a real parent.

Anonymous said...

"Several children told me of the issue - independently - and the parent of the girl who had her hair cut told me of that incident.

You evidently didn't read the part where the teacher admitted she had done both."

Oh, but I did. That doesn't change what I said or meant at all. You forced that teacher into a corner. You threatened them and the teacher was made to take the blame and admit a to something that didn't happen. Nothing new about that.

We will pray to God that Mr. Morrison will take a stand - by the teachers instead of the lying students and delusional parents. I weep for the future.

Anonymous said...

I would like to add that after spending my son's second grade year pleading for help for his deteriorating grades and worsening attitude about school, it was a very brave teacher who pulled me aside, told me she could get into trouble for saying this, and told me her brother was dyslexic and she thought my son showed similair signs, and then passed me the name of an educational psychologist who could help. To that teacher, I am forever grateful!

Anonymous said...

1:59 Is standing up for your child not being a "real parent?" Is it better to sit back and do nothing while your child is being harmed by the system? I'm not talking about standing up for misbehavior. That shouldn't be tolerated and I support my children's teachers. I am well aware that some don't. However, to lump all moms who complain into the elitist snobs category and to not recognize that there are some bad teachers is just ignorant on your part.

Wiley Coyote said...

2:02....

At NO time was the principal nor the teacher EVER threatened by me. Where you get that from is being made up in your mind.

I laid out the information pertaining to mt son first to which the teacher denied. After several minutes of discussion and bringing up what several students said about what was transpiring in her class, that's when the principal called me a liar and that the information I had was incorrect.

At that point, I brought up the name of the other student and her mother's name, told them I had spoken to her and the incident with her daughter was volunteered to me.

That girl's parent was a teacher's assistant at the time and was aware of other issues related to this same teacher.

So when I put forth that person's name, the teacher knew she was toast and backtracked on her statements.

At that time, the principal's eyes got wide and the color ran out out of her face because she knew the teacher lied and SHE began asking the questions.

I didn't have to say anything else.

The first mistake anyone cam make is put a teacher or an educrat on a pedestal.

We will also pray to God YOU are not a teacher. If so, you should be shown the door.

Anonymous said...

If you saw Ann's article yesterday some parents actually want a cool App on their phone so they dont have to actually check in with educators. I wonder if some of those same folks even talk to their kids at night? In langugage arts CMS actually talks about communicating. And I am not talking about a phone app or web page.

Anonymous said...

I think your deluded and if your a teacher you are a big part of the problem. If you are a teacher i pray you find another profession where you do not see those you are supposed to serve the students as the enemy.

Anonymous said...

@2:34.

I know what happened and who you are. Please stop this trail of lies to cover up the truth. It figures you would tell the story so it suits you best. It makes me sick to my stomach.

I am a teacher and would gladly show YOU the door. You are the only problem I see.

Anonymous said...

@2:26

Madam, you are confusing yourself and apparently aren't able to comprehend what you read. I didn't say anything about lumping all parents who complain into an elitist group.

Go back and look again. It's not that hard.

Anonymous said...

@4:00

I'm afraid you are the deluded one, nice lady. Please worry about taking care of your children, and not letting the run wild. I see it all the time and it makes me sick to my living stomach. As teachers, we are not the enemy, but must discipline the students that act like a fool because of poor parenting. Please don't speak on things when your children are with us more than they are with you.

Wiley Coyote said...

4:56...

It's obvious by your comments you don't have a clue as to who I am or what the situation was.

If so, that either makes you a has-been principal that is now a teacher or the teacher who I should have had terminated.

Would you like for me to get you a trash can so you can puke?

I can assure you that what I have stated ARE the facts of the matter.

Try again.

Anonymous said...

No i am not the deluded one, you have displayed your anti student and anti parent attitude through your hate filled comments today. You do not know anything about my children or my parenting style yet you ignorantly make wild assumtions about my chiildren lacking discipline and me being an absentee parent. Again you should resign immediately and save the children in your charge from your prejudaced view of them and their parents who have every right to hold the school system accountable for the care of their children.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Ann Doss Helms said...

Well, this has certainly deteriorated. Sorry, but online comments are not the forum for taking shots at specific teachers. I allow quite a bit of leeway in comment on elected officials and top administrators, but I'm going to keep taking down comments that identify teachers. The whole point of this post is that if they're really that bad, you need to tackle it head on -- and yes, that can be tough.

Anonymous said...

Courageous conversations:

Heath sitting down to terminate LaTarza.

Heath sitting down to terminate ED's buddy Dan Habrat.

Anonymous said...

Courageous conversations

Heath clearing out 80% of the ivory tower.

Anonymous said...

Heath: "Should I have a courageous conversation?"

Andy Baxter: "I dont know"

Anonymous said...

Andy Baxter is being paid $30,000 per word each year.

Anonymous said...

Andy Baxter no longer works at CMS.

Anonymous said...

Heck you might as well say that about the ENTIRE PR/Communications Department. Just what did happen to those Broad party invitations anyway?

Wiley Coyote said...

10:55,

Thank you for validating you have no idea what you're talking about.

Information contained within your last post proves it.

Anonymous said...

1:39

I feel for you because I've been and continue to be in your shoes. My unsolicited advice is to hang tough and continue to advocate for your child because no one else is going to do this for you. Also, I think it's courageous to educate the general public on the definition of "learning disabled". Be kind but be persistent. Again, I believe most teachers want their students to succeed. If you can afford it, have your child tested outside of CMS and hire an educational advocate to back you up. I highly recommend Dawn Keller if she's still around.

AD

BolynMcClung said...

I’VE SEEN SOME BIZZARRE COMMENTS HERE BUT THIS ONE FROM THE PERSON USING THE PSEUDONYM “WILEY COYOTE” TAKES THE CAKE!

“It's obvious by your comments you don't have a clue as to who I am ………”


Thanks for the humor,

Bolyn McClung
Pineville

Wiley Coyote said...

You're welcome Bolyn... I'll be here all week...

Don't forget to tip your server.

Anonymous said...

AD

Thank you for your kind words and allowing me to voice my frustrations with the system. I can honestly say his teachers have been wonderful for the most part. They are not the problem. It is the "counselors" and administratative staff who have given me the most trouble. At best, they seem willing to be helpful but their hands are tied by rules and regulations and at worst, some have been down right clueless. Thankfully, I recognized there was a problem and had him tested outside of CMS. He has had an excellent tutor and seems to be doing ok for now in a CMS school. And , yes, it did take a considerable amount of money and time to get him this far. We are not wealthy and it has put a strain on our finances but every penny was worth it. I worry about those kids whose parents either can't afford it, or aren't knowledgable enough to advocate for their child. Who speaks for them?

1:39

Anonymous said...

1:39

My son also has dyslexia- which is a broad term - but is essentially a reading disability. His pre-school picked up on it and directed us to have him throughly tested and evaluated. When my son started kindergarten, CMS had a "wait and see" policy for EC services which were not available until 1st grade. We did not have time to "wait and see" - not with mounds of assessment testing and demonstrable proof that my son could not identify a single letter in the alphabet. Waiting and watching my son fail kindergarten was not a viable option. We hired an educational specialist who sat down with us, the school principal, the assistant principal, and the EC staff to lay it on the line while armed with all the latest educational research and lingo. Using a little creativity, CMS provided my son EC services starting the first week of kindergarten while we continued to pay for outside educational therapy services. By 4th grade, my son scored in the 92 percentile on the NC reading EOG and received straight "A's" on his report card.

I wish I could say it was all a happy ending from here. However, LD's are a lifelong challenge and something people don't outgrow. Living with a LD is a lifelong adaptation. My son will perform great on one test and then hit another brick wall. He's in high school now and the hardest part is allowing him to fail because by this age he has to learn to advocate for himself. If he needs extra help after school or extra time on a test, he has to ask for it. By law, colleges have to offer accommodations for students with LD's but a student has to ask for the accommodations themselves.

The College Board has made it extremely difficult to prove a student has a LD for extra testing time on the SAT. I can't tell you how frustrating this process has been.

Then there is the issue of "inclusion". I don't have a lot of nice things to say about a handful of Ballantyne soccer mommies with "gifted" darlings who thought their 4th grade children should have had their own self-contained classroom. My son isn't stupid nor is he a behavioral problem. He has an above average IQ which is what a LD is. A LD is when there is a discrepancy between an above average IQ and student performance. My older son was classified as "gifted". I could write a dissertation about my thoughts on the subject of "giftedness" but I really don't need my head to explode.

Hang in there. Thanks for letting me share my frustrations!

Best,
AD

Anonymous said...

AD

Thanks for sharing your story. We have a lot in common. My head is about to explode. I just got off the phone with a teacher friend of mine at another CMS middle school. I had asked her what was the deal with all the pressure to drop the 504 plan. Other parents I've talked to are feeling it too. She said her administrator told her that they try to get as many kids of 504s as possible. If the kids could do C work without the 504 than that is average and they are fine with that (and we, the parents, should be too). This is system wide policy. As you said, an LD is a difference in a student's potential compared to his actual performance. LD kids are typically above average IQ. So in effect, CMS policy is to not consider the potential of kids but instead aim for average. And they wonder why parents are fleeing the school system. Do they not realize attitudes like that are dispersed through other areas as well? So all the talk about reaching kids potential, every kid, every day stuff is just crap. Would love to take this to school board but its probably been done and/or they don't care.

1:39

Anonymous said...

1:39

Coffee? I'm a white suburban republican soccer mom too who thoroughly enjoyed meeting Pamela Grundy - a Yale educated (very) liberal democrat - for coffee once thanks to this blog. We actually share common ground on a number of issues. Who would'a thunk it? I've gained a tremendous amount of respect for her. This doesn't mean I agree with her on every issue but I highly respect her and her commitment to things she believes in. She's smart, effective, and tries to do things that actually matter in the world. She doesn't sit around and complain about a school start time in a system with 140,000 kids in it.

The South Charlotte "gifted" mommy crowd tend to all know each other and have no problem joining forces and speaking out on behalf of their kids. Straddling the "gifted" and "LD" fence in CMS wasn't fun. Private schools don't label kids the way public schools do. I think it's horrible the way public schools label kids. Yes, kids who are truly gifted need to be challenged. My bother is a Yale graduate with a degree in physics. I get this. The thing is he wasn't labeled anything starting in 2nd grade. I majored in fine arts at a state university. I was academically "average" although I never really thought about myself this way. It's heartbreaking to witness my LD son question his academic and humanitarian abilities.

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Anonymous said...

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Love too. Time and place? Is that how its done? New to posting but I know enough not to put personal info on public site. I work Wed and Fri mornings though.

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Anonymous said...

1:39
Let's have coffee. It will be fun! Im in the phone book. I work Tues. nights and Thurs. afternoons. I'm in a post-baccalaureate teaching licensure program Mon. & Wed. nights. Coffee Monday or Tuesday morning? Wine after 4:00 on Friday works for me too.

Best,
Alicia Durand
Browne's Pond Ln.